"A still birth , But still a birth"
This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Angelika Taylor who was born sleeping in Bielefeld, Germany on March 05, 2007. 
We will remember her forever

An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth and whispered as she closed the book… "Far too beautiful for Earth"

"A Child that loses a parent is an orphan,
A Man who loses his wife is a widower,
A Woman who loses her husband is a widow, There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
For there is no word to describe the pain"



"Although you were not meant to be,
you were the little Angel inside of me.
All of the tears, worries and cries,
Who would have known we would have to say good-bye?"



You are felt in the raindrops that fall from the skies,
You are felt in the tears that fall from my eyes ,
You are felt in the sun that shines from above,
You are my everlasting love.......



No farewell words were spoken
No time to say "Goodbye"
You were gone before I knew it
and only God knows why

My heart still aches with sadness
and secret tears will flow
What it meant to love you
No one can ever know



"We never had the chance to play, to laugh, to rock to wiggle,
We long to hold you, to touch you now and listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother and James will always be your dad....You'll always be our child. The child we never had.

But now you're gone - but yet you're here.
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
Theres love in every tear,

Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you never...

The child we had but never had , 
And yet will have forever."

"We little knew that evening that God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you , the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And although we cannot see you, you are always at our sides.
Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same, But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."





Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.

- Author Unknown -



I feel able to tell you all what happened now, In fact to see it written down may make me able to see some sense of it all.

In the early hours of Saturday morning about 1am I was feeling quite bloated and heavy, I went to the bathroom and strained a little at that point I felt something come down inside my cervix, the next thing i knew i was in the Gilead hospital in Bielefeld, They scanned me and it showed that baby Angelika was fine but my cervix had opened fully, at this point the sac was in tact. I was given drip after drip of antibiotics to fight an infection that they felt had caused the opening of the cervix. All through this time I had no pain just a bit of a fever.
On the sunday they took me to theatre and did a cervical stitch, they told me that there was a very slim chance that this would work as any infection might have already reached the womb. I woke at 03:35 Monday morning feeling very wet , my waters had broken.

I was rushed to a room where they tried to remove the stitch as any contractions would have made my cervix rupture which could have been fatal. After 3 hours they finally cut it out , the pain was unbearable and I was pumped full of morphine, They said that things may happen quickly but could also take days, after scanning they found that Angelika had no fluid left around her although her heart was still beating strongly - she was not moving much at all though - I was advised that should she get the infection then there would be distress caused to her, the last thing we wanted.
My white blood cell count was rising fast and I was becoming weaker.....induction was the only choice left.

They gave me 2 little pills to tell my body to start to let go of our little girl, by 5pm Monday eve they gave me one more tablet. After that me and DH walked to the chapel in the hospital where I lit a candle and said a prayer for out special angel. before I made back up to my room the contractions had started with such force I could barely walk. They took us straight to the delivery room where the lights were out and just candles lit , I decided on no pain relief as I wanted to feel everything, not to miss a thing.

At 18:53 on Monday the 5th of March Angelika was born into this world sleeping,she looked so peaceful and so very perfect, she weighed 225g and was 23cm in length, such long legs and the most beautiful little hands, we held her for so long and the Padre came and baptised her in my arms, I only had 25 mins with her as my placenta would'nt come away and I was losing so much blood, at that time I cared nothing for me and just wanted to die with her, in fact a massive part of me died with her at that time.
They then took her while I was rushed to theatre for a d&c ,blood transfusion and tests for infection. When I came, round later that night my DH said that they had taken pictures and foot and hand prints of Angelika and that he and her had spent some time with the Padre. The nurses came and gave me something to knock me out for the next 12 hours.

Now we are taking our Angel back to the UK for a full and proper funeral. The MOD are sorting out the repatriation and she will flying back in to Heathrow next Wednesday morning.
It all seems such a bad dream right now and although I know it has happened , I just don't want to believe it.

I have achieved something that I never though possible.............I gave birth.
Little consolation but gives me hope for the future, She will always be our first born , and if God willing any other children should follow they will always know of their big sister Angelika.
I could not have wished for better care from the hospital staff,HLO,Padre and the welfare officers , they have all been amazing. My husband and I owe a great deal of thanks to them all.




Life Of A Grieving Mother... 

To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those who change the subject when I speak my daughter's name, change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life.

To those who roll their eyes and say that we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another... if I have twenty more babies, I will forever have one in the grave, and that is one too many.

To those who say to get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!

Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.

We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.





If roses grow in Heaven,

Lord please pick some pink ones for me,

Place them in my daughters arms

and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,

And when she turns to smile,

Place a kiss upon her cheek

and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,

I do it everyday.

But there's an ache within my heart

That will never go away.

( auther unknown )